Darn

How much do I love my life? Last day of exams, hardest exam of all, starts raining in the middle and I left my windows down. Darn. In the middle of studying for my hardest exam I realized I knew virtually nothing about the subject and had a panic attack that ended in tears. I was in the middle of the cafeteria when this happened. Darn. I wanted to see the new Star Trek movie but every person I ask to go see it with me laughs and calls me a nerd. Darn. I have zero money in the bank and I owe about $300 to 5 different people. Darn. A lot of people have been saying some really negative things to me and trying to pass them off as constructive criticism. I don't like it. Opinionated, sarcastic, offensive, annoying and some people think it's necessary to tell me I eat too fast. I eat the way I eat. I talk the way I talk. I know what and when something is appropriate. At least I am open to new ideas, at least I can be objective about what I say and how I think. I have spent the better part of my life learning to be a specific way that other people have wanted me to be. No more. Shouldn't I get more credit for speaking my mind and having an educated opinion about the things that matter to me? Not a lot matters to me, not money or politics or sports, but movies I know, books, plays, music, art, that I know. Am I not allowed to talk about what I know like everyone else does? At least I speak at all? Would I get more credit or taken more seriously if I never opened my mouth. That is definitely something I have learned, don't open your mouth. How can you learn without asking questions, how can you grow and get new ideas if yours are never challenged? People think because I'm young I don't know things. I know more about life and death and everything in between better than a lot of adults I know, way more than anyone my own age. There are lots of things I've yet to learn, I know that, I am open to that, but don't treat me like an idiot, I KNOW I am not an idiot and I can tell when someone assumes I am and it makes me pissed. I rarely ask for help, not because I'm proud, just because I know that can be annoying, so when I do ask for help please don't just stare at me and tell me I'm wrong, I KNOW I'M WRONG, that's why I'm asking for help. What you are doing is not helping me, brow beating is not helping me. Telling me I'm stupid is not helping me, maybe you don't understand what you are talking about and the way you are talking about it doesn't make sense and THAT'S why you can't answer my question. Maybe everyone should get outta town. Summer is here. 3 months of nothing, I love it. Is it weird that summer doesn't really feel like a vacation anymore. Or, I don't know, it feels different. The way I think of it is different. The way we think about summer it's like, school is the extra and summer is the norm, like I have to go to school but then I get to go home and watch TV, and summer is the home with the TV, but it's not. Summer is school. Summer is recess, it's not really what should be going on. Work and school are what's going on. I never thought of it that way til now.