Fairy Tales

Cinderella is one of my all time favorite fairy tales of all time and definitely not because of Disney. I mean, hey, I love the glass slippers and the silvery dress and the songs, but it's SO MUCH MORE than that. I grew up with two bossy older sisters, a crazy mother, and when my dad died, things only got worse. I'm not about to complain about having to do chores around the house, because it was way more intense than that. When my dad died I was 15, both my sisters were away at college and my mother was a wreck. I literally did EVERYTHING, for her and for me. It was a very scary, very trying time for my whole family. On top of this, I was very much looked down on and under appreciated by my family. My whole life, I was not the outsider, I was not a cheerleader, I was not popular, my family did not understand me. They thought I was weird, they always called me out on my clothes, my friends, my anything. One time my sister went as far as to throw out all my clothes while I was at school. She restocked my closet with hand-me-down's she designated as acceptable from her wardrobe because she said the clothes I wore embarrassed her. Any time I left the house wearing something other than what she wanted my mother said I looked like a homeless person and why didn't I wear make up and no wonder I didn't have a boyfriend. For these reason's and more I say, 'Cinderella, I feel your pain.' This particular fairy tale is about loving your family, no matter what, and be you to the best of your ability, no matter what others think. It's about love and compassion and taking care of those you love, even if they don't always deserve it, and being above all the material bullshit that is making our society crazy. The tale of Cinderella always gave me hope, that maybe one day, after I had paid my dues, I would have a happy ending. My prince charming would find me and see that I was beautiful, rags and all, and we would live happily ever after.
Obviously this tale has also backfired a bit and given me a damsel in distress complex, but hey, no one's perfect. I do, a little bit, blame Disney for giving me unrealistic expectations for men. Life is not a movie or a book, men are men and nothing more. But, God, don't we all wish for that Mr. Darcy, Prince Charming. The reason the prince in Cinderella is so incendiary is because he wants the girl at the ball. It was love at first sight, it was her and no one else. He had his men search the whole kingdom with just a shoe to find this one girl who made his world, and best of all, he didn't change his mind once he found out she was a maid, he said, Hey! I love you, we had a good time, let's spend the rest of our lives having more good times together. Sweet, simple, love.
Above all things I believe in love. "Love is a many splendid thing," "Love lifts us up where we belong," "All you need is love." I'm not going to lie I script. Scripts are life dramas that people continually act out as if they were involved in a play. Drama determines the path life will take and how life will end up. Roles that people choose are determined by the psychological script. I think my role is tragic clown. But it's not my fault. My whole life is filled with a multitude of examples of how my life should be going, and it's not, and it's frustrating- because it's not playing out how I've scripted it. My fear of living in the moment is ruining my future which is what I am trying to plan for, which is why I don't live in the moment! Bottom line is: I've scripted my life after Cinderella, and now I need my prince, but there's a relatively astounding chance this princess will have to save herself, and figure out her worth all on her own.