BRAND NEW

How much do I love Brand New? So incredibly, incandescently, totally, and completely.
Brand New is an alternative American rock band from Levittown, New York, formed in 2000. I first heard them when I was in 7th grade. I was watching a late night VH1 show, Upcoming Bands. It was a school night and I should have been in bed, but I snuck to my dad’s room with a pen and paper and wrote down all the artists I liked. It showed the music video for “The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows” and I was hooked. The notes were angry, the lyrics were poignant, and the song title was long. I went out and bought their second album, “Deja Entendu”. The title is French for "already heard," which is said to be at critics who claimed that the band sounded like every other group in the genre. Every artist I had listened to up till then was on someone else’s accord. They were mostly pop music and I liked them, but it wasn’t anything exciting, nothing I identified with. Brand New was my first ever musical endeavor that was completely my own and I loved them with every ounce of pre-teen angst I had. Every song hit a chord and every word was poetry, I had never heard anything so beautifully sad in my life. In every song, they said something I wanted to say, but more eloquently and with better syntax than I could ever hope for. I listened to them day and night, all the time, repeat after repeat, and it never got old. Every song was a new discovery. Then in 8th grade, I learned about an earlier album, “Your Favorite Weapon”. I bought it and ate up every syllable and every meter. If “Deja Entendu” was depressed teen angst in your bed with the lights off, “Your Favorite Weapon” was the anthem of too young to party seriously, but too old for childish games. It was upbeat, get-me-out-of-the-house music, and I was ready to let loose. By this time I was starting to delve deeper into the meanings of the songs and how they related so perfectly with my life. And Brand New led me to other great artists: Mae, Motion City Soundtrack, Say Anything, The Alkali Trio, Taking Back Sunday, The Smiths, Morissey, the alternative-punk classics of their genres and my generation. I had started a movement with my friends, who where now worshiping Brand New as much as I did and it was exhilarating. You could walk down the halls and hear someone singing the lyrics and that’s all you’d need to know to know you had a new friend. They were a common bond unlike anything I’d ever experienced. Knowing and loving this one band made you a part of an elite few, and those few others were all you needed. Many of the long titles I loved so much were movie quotes, book quotes, and philosophical mantras. It was such an incredibly fresh change from the chorus-is-the-song-name shallowness of the rest of popular music at the time. Their second single, "Sic Transit Gloria... Glory Fades," is a shortened version of a Latin phrase sic transit gloria mundi, "Thus passes the glory of the world" in reference to a line from the movie Rushmore; "I Will Play My Game Beneath the Spin Light," is a reference to a line in the book The Moves Make the Man by Bruce Brooks; or at the very end of “Play Crack the Sky” when they make an allusion to The Beatles’ “A Day In The Life”.
The next couple of years we waited for another album. It was like waiting for word from God. That sounds extreme, but we were dieing to know if the band that had taken the words from our mouths and put them out for everyone to hear- could do it again- could remind us who we were, tell us how to feel. Then there was news of a new album, demos were out on the internet and I heard “The Sowing Season”. I listened patiently, some people thought they had changed their style too much and that the lyrics were no longer relevant, but I listened. Like good Brand New fashion, the chorus was original and simple, with the repeating yell, “Yeah”. From that moment I just knew, I just had an overwhelming sense of being at ease, because some good things never change. But that wasn’t the end. After so much anticipation for the new album, “The Devil and God Are Raging Inside Me” there were bound to be let downs. The album was angry, screaming, angstier, and confusing. I didn’t like or understand all the songs like I used to, the meanings were more referential and no longer pertained to how I felt or where I was in my life. Then my dad died, and I understood. Obviously, it’s chalk full of bible references, and, as you can imagine, for someone who has lost their family (and their faith) it all sounds very profound. “Sowing Season”, “Milestone” “You Won’t Know”, “Not the Sun” and “Jesus Christ” were my all time favorites. What am I even saying, they were all BRILLIANT. I still listen to them, I will always listen to them. Brand New, you have my heart and soul.

Twilight: The Anti-Christ

Twilight is bad. It’s not kind of good, it’s not sort of good- it is down right bad. When I read those books (and yes, I read them all) I was so frustrated that I had never written down my pre-teen vampire fantasy because then I could be a multi-millionaire like that no-talent Mormon hack. Not only is the plot pathetic and completely predictable, it’s unoriginal, and the writing itself is bad. Let me say that again: IT IS BAD WRITING. Stephanie Myer couldn’t write herself out of a phone booth. There is a good page and half dedicated to describing how Bella washed a dish. Pure genius. The characters are all totally static, they never change, and they never evolve- with the exception of Bella’s sudden and total commitment to motherhood over night. Am I supposed to find these characters relatable or interesting?
Bella is the biggest whine-bag I have ever come across in literary history. I hope to God no teen looks up to her because she is the manifestation of anti-feminism and then some. Afraid of blood, afraid of the dark, clings to her little boyfriend for dear life, and she’s so original and unique because she READS. “Holy Crow” give me a medal, where’s my mister perfect, I read! And just because Meyer makes reference to Romeo and Juliet does not make this series high quality work. J.K. Rowling should be incredibly offended that this toilet-paper novel claimed to be ‘The Next Harry Potter’. What in God’s name is our society coming to? There are grown women- smart, smart women- who think these books are the bee’s knees. I pity them, their children, and their husbands/ boyfriends- if they have any.
The movie was no better. I mean, it would be hard to make a good movie out of a book with literally no substance, but hey, even The Lost Boys gave me a thrill. While the end scene was the only redeeming part, it was ruined by Kristen Stewart’s eye-crossing, weird moaning, almost-death scene; especially the hospital scene where we got to see Stewart’s ad-libing skills at their best with a bunch of non believable mumbling nonsense. Thank you, Kristen. The movie just made the book that much worse, it was like the antithesis of something that sounds good in your head, but then when you say it out loud you think, “Man, I sound stupid.” But Stephanie Meyer just couldn’t keep her mouth shut! We got three whole books of her teeny-bopper, vampire gold. As if Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Angel didn’t milk it up enough, now we have Twilight. Ladies and Gentlemen, I bring you, the down-fall of a generation of morons.

A Little Vellini in All of Us

The Last Mistress, while it was incredibly raunchy and explicit, was totally and marvelously good. I say with a little shame, Vellini is a character after my own heart. Why do we have to cater to men's idea of what a woman should and shouldn't be? This concept relates to all women in any age or era and it stinks. Men do it to, I know, but for some reason it's more OK for men to be feminine than it is for women to be masculine. The character Vellini was so amazing to me because she never apologized for the way she was, she did what (and who) she wanted and didn't pay attention to commentators. I wish I could be like that. I also wish I could get what I wanted. Vellini is a one of a kind for a reason, and it's a movie for a reason. It's not real. It's not reality and that's not how the cookie really crumbles. In real life Vellini gets an STD and dies a horribly slow and painful death. There is no rest for the wicked, and she definitely was wicked.
One of the things that struck me and was so fascinating was the basic relationship between her and Ryno. It's a perfect example of why sex is not a strong enough tether in a relationship to keep people together forever, but there was something a little more to them. They were both looking for something more that they weren't finding in their counters at the time. Ryno for a strong feminine lover and Vellini for a naive, 'loving' (as in obsessive) partner.

Everybody's Free

I first heard this song in Romeo and Juliet, with Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes. My friend took the soundtrack on a plane to Europe and it got lost. Then, a couple years later I bought the soundtrack on iTunes and found this version with some random guy talking. I listened to the first 30 seconds of this guy talking about sunscreen and I got annoyed and deleted it. Somehow, I listened to it again and found the most precious diamond in the rough. This song has come to mean more to me than any other words put to music. This song is actually an essay called "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young" written by Mary Schmich and published in the Chicago Tribune as a column in 1997. How crazy. How amazing.
Every utterance in this song is important, indepth, captivating, and above all, true. This song inspires me in way I haven't felt in years, if ever. It spreads hope and possibility, things hard to come by in such a cynical world.

"Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded." This first line, one of the first opening statements, is incredible. An age old concept that everyone knows, and yet, no one seems to grasp it, understand it, hold on to it and make it their own. We always live in the here and now and end up looking back and thinking God! How I wasted it! I should have lived every moment, I should have breathed and kicked and screamed with all the life and happiness that was in me!

"The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind;the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday." Again, so TRUE. I think this concept is hard to people my age to grasp because they are still living in their safe little bubbles, unaware of the world around them. To quote a very wise man, "The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward." Rocky Balboa was the man.

"Don't be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours." This line, like many other lessons in my life, I learned the hard way. Treat others as you would like to be treated and have respect for yourself. Jesus said, this is my new commandment, Love one another as I have loved you. The man may never have existed, his teachings could be totally false, my opinions on religion are not positive, but I do believe in love. The end-all, be-all is love. And if that's what Jesus teaches then preach on, preacher. But seriously, respect yourself enough to say 'when,' even when you feel guilty, if they love you as much as they say, they will understand, and if they don't- move on. Someone else is dieing to take their place.

"What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s." Another hard lesson, taught to me and everyone I knew in highschool through me. I got into a pickle, if you will, and everyone was berating me, and telling me I should berate myself, because of one choice, obviously the wrong one. Maybe my investment in this line as a universal truth is a cop-out, but I NEED to believe it's true. I do know I'm not the only one to ever make mistakes, life goes on. We do what we can and try not to hurt too many people along the way. You learn from your mistakes, I know this to be true, so maybe the time we spend repenting is worth it. Sin is a funny word, but I feel like a majority of people conntate 'mistake' with 'sin'.

"Enjoy your body, use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly." I just started living by this one. I took up ballet because I used to use my body for action and force. Now I'm using it like a ribbon, elegantly, flowing. I like my body this way, I like the expression it contains. I never used to like to dance, I still don't do it very well, but atleast now I try.

"Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings, they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future." Not being closer with my family is one of the biggest regrets I still carry with me. I do not take them for granted any more. You don't always agree with your parent or your siblings, but you are who you are because of them, good or bad, and you should thank them everyday.

"Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on." It used to really get to me, how people would move away and you'd never hear from them again. It was like they were dead, but worse, they were just moving on without you. I always had a terrible fear of abandonment and I hated it when people would leave, but now I know it's just a part of life. But I have held on to a couple of really dear friends. When people truely care about one another, they stay interested in each other's lives, that's what friends are and that's what friends do.

"Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85." There was this girl I knew in high school whom I hated and who hated me, we just didn't get along. She was a total air-head and, literally, had nothing of substance to add to the world. She had fake, fake, fake, platnum blonde hair. She was tall and skinny and everyone loved her, for no reason. Then one day she decided to dye her hair dark, to it's natural color. Well, not only did she look aweful, but then she had to dye it back to the white blonde it used to be. Her hair was fryed, she looked like a poodle, so she had to cut off most of the damaged hair, leaving her with a really cute short cut. Well, of course, after a while, she got tired of her short due and put in extentions to make it long again. The tempermentality of hair extentions restricts your from washing them regularly or puting product in them or excessively styling your hair. Like I've already established, this girl was going through an identity crisis and was constantly changing her hair style. Long story short, the extensions came out and so did 40% of her hair, she now has female premature balding. Don't mess with nature.

"Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth." Take everything with a grain of salt. Be humble when learning from those wiser than you, they may have gone down a dark path, but they did so, and now you don't have to. Be greatful.

"Brother and sister together we'll make it through. Someday a spirit would take you and guide you there. I know you've been hurting but I've been waiting to be there for you, And I'll be there just helping you out, whenever I can." Ahmen.

The Things I Don't Know

My mother once joked there could be an encyclopedia series on the things I don't know. General stuff, everyday stuff, but things I never thought to ask. I didn't know until a couple of weeks ago that my dad was in college in 1974. I mean I KNEW, because I knew his age and relatively when he would have been in college, but I saw a picture of him in one of the old Centenary year books and I was just guffawed. And I never knew that. I remember in kindergarten the teacher went around to each student to get their personal information. The teacher got to me and asked, "What's your mom and dad's name?" I said, what? "What are their names?" Mom and Dad? It had never occurred to me that they might have other names like I had a name, was this something I was supposed to have asked? Then she asked, "What's your address?" I didn't know. I was five years old and I didn't know anything about my basic existence. That night I went home and drilled my mom about anything she knew that I might need to know. Even at five, it created a huge anxiety in me that I didn't know. Just not knowing or the knowing that there was something I should know. For some reason I just never thought about it, or never thought to ask questions. It really bothered me, and still bothers me, that there are things I SHOULD know, questions I SHOULD ask, and just never did, and apparently everyone else and their mother knew the questions to ask to know the answers that were important. I mean, isn't that kind of crazy? To this day I don't know, off the top of my head: my mother's birthday, my father's birthday, my oldest sister's birthday, where my parents grew up, where my mom went to college, when my parents got married, LOTS OF THINGS! Lots of things that people just know, regular everyday things that regular people think to ask, and I never did. What does that mean? I mean, I feel like that's an incredibly relevant worry to have, especially given the things I do know. Random things I picked up from books, from movies, from TV. I know stories about my family, I know lots and lots of random facts, but I don't even know exactly what my father did for a living the 15 years I knew him. There are worse things to know, or not know. It is just an incredibly loud hypocritical voice in my head whenever I hear someone say something stupid. My aunt said, "...half the movie they would talk American and then the other half they would talk Italian..." Or those idiots they show on Late Night talk shows who don't know the vice president's name or the words to the star spangled banner. Ya, they're stupid and uninvolved in society or culture, but I bet they know where their parents went to college, or at least their birthdays. I mean, duh, people can't know everything, but logistical things- dates, times- they are beyond me. I can quote any number of movies, books, plays, songs and I could give you a really good run for your money on trivial pursuit, but ask me how many siblings my grandmother had and I can only guess. This whole personal crisis is made even more ironic considering what a phobia I have for forgetting things, having things lost in history. And I hate history.

17 again...

Called the biggest disappointment of all time, next to Spider-man 3, 17 again was supposed to be the teeny-bopper, Zac Efron movie of the season. Now, I knew this movie wasn't going to be an all out hit, especially for someone my age, but seriously, there were some overall rank parts. Like all the sudden his character starts up on Abstinence only sex education! SERIOUSLY?
"Just say no, here are some condoms, have a party!" That is ridiculous. What better way to prevent teens from having sex but show them scary disease photos and single mothers! That did the trick for me! But seriously, it was like the whole movie was just a big Mormon love fest and BLEH, I was sad. I really was sad to see a movie that could have been hilarious and still heart felt be so family friendly that it was stifled of most humor.
Zac Efron is hot, but this movie blew more than High School Musical on ice. At least HMS KNEW it was cheesy! And at least it was aimed at 12-year-olds. 17 again is aimed at teenagers in high school who have issues with their parents, and you're going to give them this weird abstinence-you-were-a-mistake movie? Too cheesy, too sappy, too everything. Zefron, let me know when you will be scantily clad for 25% of the movie and maybe I'll come see you. Otherwise, you are a sad sell out to the Freaky Friday's and other adult-kid switcher-oo movie jargon.

Fairy Tales

Cinderella is one of my all time favorite fairy tales of all time and definitely not because of Disney. I mean, hey, I love the glass slippers and the silvery dress and the songs, but it's SO MUCH MORE than that. I grew up with two bossy older sisters, a crazy mother, and when my dad died, things only got worse. I'm not about to complain about having to do chores around the house, because it was way more intense than that. When my dad died I was 15, both my sisters were away at college and my mother was a wreck. I literally did EVERYTHING, for her and for me. It was a very scary, very trying time for my whole family. On top of this, I was very much looked down on and under appreciated by my family. My whole life, I was not the outsider, I was not a cheerleader, I was not popular, my family did not understand me. They thought I was weird, they always called me out on my clothes, my friends, my anything. One time my sister went as far as to throw out all my clothes while I was at school. She restocked my closet with hand-me-down's she designated as acceptable from her wardrobe because she said the clothes I wore embarrassed her. Any time I left the house wearing something other than what she wanted my mother said I looked like a homeless person and why didn't I wear make up and no wonder I didn't have a boyfriend. For these reason's and more I say, 'Cinderella, I feel your pain.' This particular fairy tale is about loving your family, no matter what, and be you to the best of your ability, no matter what others think. It's about love and compassion and taking care of those you love, even if they don't always deserve it, and being above all the material bullshit that is making our society crazy. The tale of Cinderella always gave me hope, that maybe one day, after I had paid my dues, I would have a happy ending. My prince charming would find me and see that I was beautiful, rags and all, and we would live happily ever after.
Obviously this tale has also backfired a bit and given me a damsel in distress complex, but hey, no one's perfect. I do, a little bit, blame Disney for giving me unrealistic expectations for men. Life is not a movie or a book, men are men and nothing more. But, God, don't we all wish for that Mr. Darcy, Prince Charming. The reason the prince in Cinderella is so incendiary is because he wants the girl at the ball. It was love at first sight, it was her and no one else. He had his men search the whole kingdom with just a shoe to find this one girl who made his world, and best of all, he didn't change his mind once he found out she was a maid, he said, Hey! I love you, we had a good time, let's spend the rest of our lives having more good times together. Sweet, simple, love.
Above all things I believe in love. "Love is a many splendid thing," "Love lifts us up where we belong," "All you need is love." I'm not going to lie I script. Scripts are life dramas that people continually act out as if they were involved in a play. Drama determines the path life will take and how life will end up. Roles that people choose are determined by the psychological script. I think my role is tragic clown. But it's not my fault. My whole life is filled with a multitude of examples of how my life should be going, and it's not, and it's frustrating- because it's not playing out how I've scripted it. My fear of living in the moment is ruining my future which is what I am trying to plan for, which is why I don't live in the moment! Bottom line is: I've scripted my life after Cinderella, and now I need my prince, but there's a relatively astounding chance this princess will have to save herself, and figure out her worth all on her own.

Adventureland

So, the other day I saw this movie that claimed to be this year's 'Juno' and this generation's 'Dazed and Confused'- all empty promises made a million times over. But I have to say, although it did not live up to it's 'Dazed' assumptions, it was a genuinely original, interesting movie. And as much as I hate to admit it, I loved Kristen Stewert in this movie. She plays Em, the semi-mysterious/only regular girl working at Adventureland, all the others seem to be vapid, shallow sluts/teases. Early on, it's not hard to figure out that Em and married Adventureland stud, Connell, have a thing. The story progresses through James's summer, but again, the really interesting character was Em. She is described as being "Two doors down from the girl next door" (take that as you will) and she spends most of her time "rebelling" against her dad and stepmom, mostly trying to get her Dad's attention and generally feeling bad about her whole familial situation. (Her mom died of cancer, her dad remarried a bald woman and Em's having an affair.) The movie is just really interesting, especially how it plays on stereotypical male and female roles: James is a virgin in college and believes in true love and is a total romantic, Em is cynical and untrusting and, we'll just say, not a pure as snow. There was one scene that I just nearly busted out of my seat, because it hit SO close to home.

I have this friend see, he's an amazing guy, literally I know no one better, and he was dating this girl that he really liked, which was a big deal for him. They dated for a while, he was in love, then all the sudden she pulled the carpet out from under him and told him she couldn't be in a serious relationship with him because he was Jewish and she was Catholic- just like with Joel and Sue- and just like Joel, my friend tries to tell the girl that while his family is mostly Jewish, he's very open about religion, but she still refuses. Very much like Em, I was incensed, not just by this girl's lack of humility, understanding, and antisemitic attitude, but also that my friend would lower himself to deny something as culturally important as his origins, just for some girl to like him! I mean, what IS that?
People tick in all sorts of weird ways. Em was a complex, real character and I very much enjoyed finally seeing a developed, deep role by Kristen Stewert. The movie had a happy ending (which I won't give away here) which gave me hope. Even though your life is messed up and you forget how to love yourself, you make a bunch of bad decisions just to get someone's attention, doing the worst you can just to hear someone say 'I love you anyway,' it's rough. Em was a perfect example of that, and not in an over the top 'I'm-so-angsty' sort of way, so thumbs up for you Kristen Stewert.